Take the Next Step

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I think a fault of mine is that I am sometimes too honest. Not every negative thought about myself needs to be spoken. Sometimes, the reason I do it, is that it feels like it helps to prep those around me in case things don't go well. For instance, now that I said "yes" to joining the 4-person relay team (see last week's post), the training has begun. A group chat has been initiated between the four of us. It was suggested we do a run together sometime in the fall. My response was "anxious thoughts creep in when you mention a group run (because of my slowness) BUT I think it would be awesome to meet you all and connect more before the race so I'm in!".

Did I need to add the part about me being anxious when I really do love the idea? I think it will be helpful to get to know the others in the group, two of whom I've never met, before race day. Subconsciously, by adding that I'm already feeling anxious, if the run doesn't go well when we do meet up, I think that they'll just assume that my anxiety got the best of me. Maybe they won't hold me as accountable as if I went in appearing to have full confidence. Being the social media detective that I am, I have already started searching for information on my other team members. I know by race registration details alone that they are all 8-12 years younger than me. I know from introducing ourselves in the group text that they all run a faster pace than me. I can see from their profile pictures that they are all thinner and, in my opinion, prettier than me. These are all things that start to get in my head. 

I took the first step by registering in the first place and now I need to take the next step by preparing to have a good, fun run on race day. I can let negative thoughts continue to roll around, unchecked, in my head or I can stop them before they have room to grow. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." When I was asked to join this team, I wasn't asked so they could have a young, pretty and skinny team member added. I wasn't asked because they were relying on my lightning-fast speed to get our team to the finish line first. I believe I was asked because they knew my heart was one that tries to follow after God in all that I do. The purpose of this race is to raise money for the building of water wells in third world countries so that people can have a clean water source closer to home. I will do my best to represent our team and stay focused on that mission. I will not let the sin of envy get in the way, I will take captive any thoughts that don't line up with scriptures, and I will have a fun time in the process leading up to race day. 

My Prayer

God, I thank You for giving me the opportunity to join this team. I pray for each of these ladies that you keep them in good health and injury free as they train. I thank you for the creative ideas of how to reach our fundraising goal and believe we can exceed it. I pray that as we get to know each other better, we can be an encouragement to each other. I pray that my head is filled with the scriptures that tell me I am loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3), that I am made in Your image (Genesis 1:27), and that You created me fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14), knowing me before I was even born (Jeremiah 1:5). Help me stop the negativity as it enters my thoughts so that I can train well, with joy. Thank you for my strong legs and the ability to run. Help me to keep taking the next step.

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