My Thoughts on Being a Mom

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I was married seven years before becoming a mother. I was young and content with our family of two.  Plus, I worked at a day care. I had a classroom full of children that I cared for and "they were enough," but one day the urge hit. When it did, I wanted to be a mom so badly. After giving birth to our daughter, I didn't want to leave her side. I used to wish she'd wake up at night just so I could see her. When our first son was stillborn, I felt like I failed him. As his mother, I was the one that was supposed to keep him safe.  Along came our second son and I appreciated the gift of a child even more. I could not express the deep love I had for these new, little humans. 

As the years passed, there were tears and there was laughter. There have been situations that we weren't sure how to handle and we truly did "the best we could." I felt like the best thing I did in life, what I was most successful at, was being a mom. While I still believe that to be true, there are now doubts that creep in. I look back on how I could have reacted differently. (My face reacts before I'm able to think things through.) Could I have set stricter boundaries to keep them emotionally safe rather than just physically safe? I think of all the deep conversations I missed the chance to have. 

We now have two adult children, living at home. What are the "rules" for that? Our family may not fit the social norm, but I'm not sure that we ever have. I see both of our children choosing on their own to cultivate their relationship with God and there is absolutely nothing in this world that I want more for them than that. I have done the best I could, and I continue to trust God to fill in the rest. 

To my children, I pray that I am always a safe place. I pray that my hugs help to heal whatever is hurting and my voice helps to calm you.  I pray that you always chase after God because you will find no greater love than His to fill any empty gaps in your heart. I pray that you know how very much I have appreciated being your mom and how deeply I love you. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 (KJV)

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