My JourKNEE Back

"A person's heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (CSB) Can you ever truly be  prepared for something? Obviously, you can take steps to prepare by educating yourself, training, and setting forth simple goals to be as prepared as you can be. You can feel prepared as you embark on the very thing you've trained for, but I'm not sure you ever truly are prepared. When the challenge is facing you head on, there are always changing factors that can affect your reaction and, ultimately, your outcome. I have been preparing for my four-person relay race coming up in November. I have educated myself on what the course looks like, although, I still have to study the map to know where my leg of the race begins and ends. I have talked with the other teammates who have run this race before and asked them my questions. I know how timing works. I know there is a van that will transport me to my starting point. I know there will be aid stations. ...

Thursday, I stepped out my side door to wait for "J." She normally meets me at 5:30 a.m. and the current time was 5:27 a.m. I looked down the street and saw no signs of her. I pulled my phone from my pocket to read this text, "Head my way. I went to the couch to sleep and never brought my phone down. 😭I just woke up." I replied, "okay" and headed her way. As I began to run, I felt a heaviness in the pit of my stomach. Is this anxiety? I have had this feeling at other times, but I can't pinpoint exactly what the feeling is and why it randomly shows up. My breathing felt labored and I told myself to "calm down," "slow your breathing," "take it easy." Before I knew it, I was falling. I guess I didn't pick up my feet enough and tripped on the sidewalk. As I was going down, I had flashbacks from January when I fell and broke my hand, resulting in a cast and a six-week break from running. Thankfully, this fall only resulted...

Has anyone ever told you that God loves you? Well, He really does! What emotions does that bring up inside of you? What questions do you start to ponder when you hear that there is a Creator who made you and loves you? Do you even believe such a Creator exists? One who was, who is, and forever more will be. I was reminded this week how quickly life as we know it can change. How one report from the doctor can turn your entire world upside down. How one unwise decision can change the trajectory of your life path for years to come. How one time of taking the easy way out can actually, over time, make your life harder. How, in an instant, it can end unexpectedly. Someone that is technically not family but has become like family for the past 23 years has been told they only have months to live. My heart was immediately heavy and convicted. Have I ever talked to this person about Jesus? My thoughts led to others that I come in contact with on a regular basis. Sure, they may know that I go to...

I think a fault of mine is that I am sometimes too honest. Not every negative thought about myself needs to be spoken. Sometimes, the reason I do it, is that it feels like it helps to prep those around me in case things don't go well. For instance, now that I said "yes" to joining the 4-person relay team (see last week's post), the training has begun. A group chat has been initiated between the four of us. It was suggested we do a run together sometime in the fall. My response was "anxious thoughts creep in when you mention a group run (because of my slowness) BUT I think it would be awesome to meet you all and connect more before the race so I'm in!". Did I need to add the part about me being anxious when I really do love the idea? I think it will be helpful to get to know the others in the group, two of whom I've never met, before race day. Subconsciously, by adding that I'm already feeling anxious, if the run doesn't go well when we do me...

I had my response typed out, ready to hit "send," but instead I sat there with a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I really want to say "yes," but I'm also scared so maybe I should say "no?" Back and forth, yes and no battled in my head.  Finally, I said to myself, "Take the first step, make a decision, and you will feel better either way." I locked in my "yes" response and sent it. I have been asked for the past two years whether I would like to participate in a 4-person relay run to raise money to dig wells so villages in countries such as Uganda, Guatemala and South Asia could have clean water closer to home. I declined both years but now I was being asked again, for the third year in a row. Like I stated previously, I really wanted to say yes but I was scared.  The leg of my race would be five miles. I wasn't afraid that I could complete the distance. My hesitancy came from a place of a real fear of being the last pe...

My daughter and I picked up fast food and took it to the park tonight. As we sat there, it began to rain. We sat in silence and listened to the sound of the rain hitting the roof, the paved asphalt path and dripping into the puddles. It was beautiful and relaxing. I began to think about how nice it is to simply sit in silence. Silence can speak volumes.  Sometimes you're silent for the simple fact that you have nothing to say. I almost skipped this week's blog because I didn't have any ideas jumping out at me. It was a busier week, and I didn't take time to sit in silence with my own thoughts. There wasn't anything particular noteworthy that stood out.  Sometimes you're silent because you're afraid to say something you can't take back. I've been asked for the past two years to participate in a relay race. Even though I said I would give an answer this week, I have yet to respond because I am afraid to commit. I get anxious thinking about it, but then...