Be Still

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Thursday, I stepped out my side door to wait for "J." She normally meets me at 5:30 a.m. and the current time was 5:27 a.m. I looked down the street and saw no signs of her. I pulled my phone from my pocket to read this text, "Head my way. I went to the couch to sleep and never brought my phone down. 😭I just woke up." I replied, "okay" and headed her way. As I began to run, I felt a heaviness in the pit of my stomach. Is this anxiety? I have had this feeling at other times, but I can't pinpoint exactly what the feeling is and why it randomly shows up. My breathing felt labored and I told myself to "calm down," "slow your breathing," "take it easy." Before I knew it, I was falling. I guess I didn't pick up my feet enough and tripped on the sidewalk. As I was going down, I had flashbacks from January when I fell and broke my hand, resulting in a cast and a six-week break from running. Thankfully, this fall only resulted in a bloody scrape on my elbow and knee. 

During Saturday's run, I began to have this same feeling. I decided to make myself run a mile and then I would walk the rest.  If there is a reason for feeling this way, I was asking God to make it known to me. I was questioning how long it would last this time. As I was walking, I looked up at the changing sky, admiring the beautiful color combinations when these words came to me:

I don't know why I feel this way. 
Nothing has changed since yesterday 
but my heart feels heavy and my mind is worried, 
constantly moving in a world that's hurried. 
I need some quiet. I just need to be still 
and know You are God then my heart will be filled 
with peace, joy, love, and understanding. 
Not just knowledge of a God who's never demanding 
but a relationship with a Father who loves me more 
that He even gave up His Son because I was worth dying for.

"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalms 46:10 (NIV) I need to take time to be still and let God be God. I need to let Him calm my anxious thoughts, knowing this feeling will pass. I need to be open to what He wants to speak to me and, maybe, pick up my feet in the meantime!


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