Freedom in Not Following Through

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Last week I wrote that I had a 5K event coming up. It was supposed to be last night. It was a glow run on a flat trail. To be honest, when I signed up it was only because I was afraid of missing out. My running friend, "J" and her cousin, "K" (also a running friend) signed up and asked if I wanted to. I did not, but I knew I'd have a twinge of jealousy hearing them talk about it. I signed up and even paid extra for the race shirt. Who does a 5K without getting the shirt to show for it? Haha! Fast forward to the week of the race and I find out that "J" was still not cleared by her doctor to run. "K", who had also signed up with her daughter, runs at a much faster pace than I am able to maintain. I did not expect them to slow down to stick with me and I really didn't want to do the miles on my own. After checking the time results from last year's race, it sealed my decision to not attend the event.

Yesterday morning, I headed out for some solo miles. My goal was to run all 3 without taking any walk breaks. I tried to settle into the running rhythm, not looking at time or distance and going by feel instead. I got to where I thought maybe I would be getting close to 1.5 miles but not wanting to look at my watch. "Just keep going." At the point I thought I should be at 1.8, I decided to check my watch only to find that I was actually at 2.3 miles. My brain immediately thought, "Maybe you could stop at 2.5.", followed by "Well, that's dumb. If you're at 2.5, you might as well get yourself to 3." At 3 miles, I was feeling pretty good and was about to be on a downhill, so I decided to keep going. I finally ended my run at 3.6 miles. It felt pretty good, I didn't feel like I struggled too much, and I proved to myself that I can indeed still run three miles on my own. I didn't intend to do this in place of running in the 5K event as my mind was already made up about not going as soon as I found out "J" wouldn't be going. Rather, the morning's run was just to prove to myself that I could if I wanted to. 

I don't feel any guilt about not participating in the race. I don't feel like I missed out. Maybe I should, though? Maybe I should feel disappointed in not following through with the challenge. At what point does the decision to do or not do something turn from taking the easy way out to finding freedom in whatever decision you choose to make? At what point should you give yourself grace rather than push yourself to follow through in something that feels really uncomfortable? Where do we find that balance? I don't pretend to know the answer to this as it is an ongoing struggle in my own mind. Feel free to share any thoughts in the comments. While I didn't earn the right to wear my race shirt out and about, I will be wearing it at bedtime and sleeping in peace with the decision I made. 

"You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly." Proverbs 3:24 (NLT)

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 3, 2025 at 10:16 PM

    So, just because I know you and feel I know how you tend to think, I think I'm this instance you probably should have went for it. I think you held back due to fear. I don't think it was a great of running alone but the fear of being last. You looking at last year's times leads me to that. I know you works not have been last but even so who cares?!?! There are times where you need to give yourself grace and not follow the crowd but we just need to look at our reasons why. Love you!

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