This Little Light of Mine

Last weekend, I met up with "J" and her cousin, whom we will call "K" to run some miles on the river trail. When I meet them at the trail, they usually run for a minimum of ten miles together and meet me somewhere in the last half of their run to pick me up for the four (4.25 to be exact) miles back to the parking lot. I have to decide whether I will run the rest of the way with them and be driven back to my van or run with them a certain distance before turning around and heading back to my van on my own. I used to go the whole way with them before turning around and heading back to my van on my own, but I haven't been going much over four miles at a time lately. So, last weekend, we started out and when we got close to mile two, it was in my head that I needed to make a decision. I felt like I could go on. At mile three the uncertainty started to set in. At that point, I either needed to keep running, and not walk, with them the rest of the way or, if I turned around on my own, I would have needed to complete six miles to get back to my van but would have been able to walk when I wanted to. The latter almost seemed like a better idea to me. "I can't do it," I said. "J" said, "Yes, you can. You've done it before." "K" said, "You can do it. Think of how good it will feel when it's done." I knew they were both right and I did finish with them. 

As "J" drove me back to my van, she gave me what I will call a pep talk. It may have been more like a lecture, but it was what I needed. I realized that I put myself down before I even give something a try. I set myself up for failure before I even begin something. I've talked before about not setting my goals too high for fear that I won't accomplish them, but that doesn't provide any challenge for me. I use self-degradation as humor, trying to get a laugh, but the joke is on me because that's what I've come to believe about myself. With hearing what she said but having a hard time accepting it - "You are good," "You are a runner," "You know you can do it because you've done it before" - I tried to do better this week. I was able to meet "J" for three runs. I went out with my mind set on the fact that I have run this distance and these routes before so I could do it again. My Monday and Thursday runs were the fastest times I have seen in quite a while. Yesterday was a solo run. I set out for six miles, and my only goal was to ENJOY them. I can say that goal was accomplished! 

I started to write this post yesterday and the ideas I had were backed up in our Sunday sermon today. Our pastor said we are a "gifted gift", that we ourselves are gifts from God placed on this earth with specific gifts for His purpose. He quoted Ephesians 2:10 (CSB) which says, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do." The NIV translation says that "we are his masterpiece." I may not have been born specifically with skills to be a great runner, but God doesn't make mistakes. Philippians 4:13 (CSB), "I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me," is often quoted in the wrong context. There are a lot of things we are not able to humanly do on our own; fly, breathe under water, jump from extreme heights and land on our feet; no matter how much strength God gives us. We are, however, able to endure and push through challenges because we can draw on the strength that God has given us. We are to "do everything for the glory of God," I Corinthians 10:31 (CSB) and we are to "let [our] light shine before others, so that they may see [our] good works and give glory to [our] Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16 (CSB)

As I make jokes about my skills, or what I may think is a lack thereof, I am slowly extinguishing my light. I am not giving God glory in those circumstances. I am basically telling God that He didn't make me good enough and I am limiting any possibility for growth that He may have for me. This goes for all areas of my life, far beyond the realm of running. It is my prayer moving forward that I start to see myself through God's eyes. I pray that I am able to give Him glory in these small challenges such as my running goals so that my light will shine in the bigger challenges such as my speech, my thoughts and my relationships. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine." May God be glorified in all that I do.