There Will Be Cake

Today, there will be cake, birthday cake to be exact. It will not be a joy filled, opening presents type of celebration, however. Nineteen years ago on March 16, 2005, I had an experience that changed my spiritual and mental outlook forever. It was definitely a defining moment in my life. I was about thirty-two weeks into my second pregnancy and things were progressing well. As a matter of fact, I went for an ultrasound on March 14th and was told the baby was developing normally, everything looked good. We decided we didn't want to know the sex of the baby, as we did with our first pregnancy. I loved the element of surprise, it made it even more exciting and, man, were we excited! March 15th was probably like any other ordinary day at the time, filled with playing with our daughter, something imaginative I'm sure, followed by the mundane lunch, naptime, dinner and bedtime routine. I was mostly an at home mom at the time, with a biweekly cleaning job and this was my week. I woke on March 16th and got ready to leave for work. As I cleaned, I started feeling lightheaded and my back ached. I moved a little slower but also wanted to get home. When arriving at home, I ate lunch and laid down on the sofa at which point I started to feel crampy. After two hours, I went to the bathroom and there was blood. I immediately called the hospital and was told to go in and ask for triage. The "cramping" I was feeling was actually contractions. I thought maybe they would stop the labor and I would be placed on bed rest or maybe the baby would be born prematurely and have an extended hospital stay. My thoughts never crossed over to the fact that when they hooked up the ultrasound machine, they would not be able to find a heartbeat. Placenta abruption, the placenta broke away from the uterine wall. Our son, Daniel Paul, was stillborn on 3/16. 

3/16 is familiar to most people because I would think that any bible reading person, or sports fan for that matter, would almost immediately think of the verse John 3:16 "For God loved the world in this way; He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." (CSB). I can't imagine willingly giving up my child as a sacrifice for anyone, let alone people I knew would reject me in the end, but that is the kind of God I believe in. This experience, along with many other ups and downs in life led me to think, "Do I believe that God is truly good and loving? If I believe that I follow a good and loving God, I can't only believe that when things are going my way but must also believe that when things do not go my way". He is not only loving when things are going well. So instead of John 3:16, I wanted to see what Daniel 3:16 (Daniel Paul, March 16th) had to say. Daniel chapter three is the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. King Nebuchadnezzar made a very tall golden statue. When "people of every nation and language" (Daniel 3:4 CSB) heard the sound of music, they were to "fall facedown and worship the gold statue" (Daniel 3:5 CSB). Anyone that failed to bow down and worship the statue would be "immediately thrown into a furnace of blazing fire" (Daniel 3:6 CSB). A group of people reported to the king that these three men, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to bow to the statue and the king was furious at this news. He called the men before him and gave them one more chance to bow and worship. Daniel 3:16 (CSB) records their response, "Nebuchadnezzar, we don't need to give you an answer to this question. If the God we serve exists, then he can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and he can rescue us from the power of you, the king." The king was now in a rage. He had his best soldiers tie up the three men and throw them into the furnace, completely clothed from head to foot. The fire was so hot that it killed the soldiers that escorted the men to the furnace and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego fell into the fire. As the king looked in, he asked, "Didn't we throw three men, bound, into the fire?" (Daniel 3:24 CSB) "Look! I see four men, not tied, walking around in the fire unharmed; and the fourth looks like a son of the gods". (Daniel 3:25 CSB) He called the men to come out and saw that they were untouched. "They saw that the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men; not a hair of their heads was singed, their robes were unaffected, and there was no smell of fire on them." (Daniel 3:27 CSB)

The chapter ends with this verse, "The king rewarded Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the province of Babylon." (Daniel 3:30 CSB) On March 30, 2005, I certainly did not feel like I was being rewarded. My husband had prayed for a miracle in the hospital, expecting that our Daniel would start breathing and everyone present would be amazed, but instead on this day, 3/30 we were burying our son. Sometimes, it feels like I stand by and watch everyone else receive a miracle. Someone else's loved one is cured of cancer while my loved one dies of hospital protocol for COVID pneumonia. Someone else is delivered from substance abuse while my loved one continues to battle it for years upon years. Someone else appears to easily get a job promotion with abundant monetary rewards while my loved one faces the fear of being laid off. In church, we are taught to pray to move mountains, that God is offended by our little prayers. I know this is true, but in all honesty, my mind and spirit wrestle with that. The bottom line is do I believe that God is good and loving or not? It's that simple. The fact is that God does not promise us that we won't have troubles in this world. He does not promise to deliver us from the furnace. As a matter of fact, He says "You will be hated by everyone because of my name." (Matthew 10:22 CSB) That doesn't sound like rainbows and lollipops! What He will do, though, is bring us out of the fire without a singed hair, burnt clothes or even the smell of fire on us!!! That, my friends, is what I hold on to, but in the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, "But even if he does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up." (Daniel 3:18 CSB) That is what has shaped me throughout these past nineteen years. At the end of my day, whatever comes, whatever goes, I will give praise to the name of my God, Jesus Christ.