Give it to God

             PC 📷: Kaylee Geesey

I'm having a hard time getting started with writing this week. There are so many ideas swirling around in my head, but nothing is forming together into an organized thought. Sometimes my mind feels like a disorganized pile of words. Even if I can gather thoughts and put them together in a paragraph that makes sense, will the reader truly understand what my heart is trying to share? With nothing significant coming to mind, today I am going to keep it simple. 

I met "J" for an afternoon run this week which is out of our normal routine. Her and I usually meet for pre-dawn runs but, this week, she worked her overnight shift six days in a row which meant we were not able to run in the morning. I would either have to meet her for her afternoon run or not see her for a week. I have been pretty comfortable with my runs lately. This day, however, I found myself feeling anxious. We met at a trail. Any trail runners would laugh at this notion to see the stone-lined path that was straight out and straight back but, to me, it was off road and, therefore, a trail. As I got out of my car, I was only half-joking when I told her that I like our morning runs before my body knows what I'm about to do to it. As we started out, I was thinking that I could do four miles. When the first mile felt more difficult than usual, I thought maybe the minimal three-point-one would be sufficient, but I knew "J" would not approve of that idea. As we got close to the two-mile mark, I said, "Are we doing two out and two back." She said she thought maybe I could do more and suggested two and a quarter. I said, "Okay." since, secretly, I was willing to give her up to two and a half. She knows my expressions a little too well and started to negotiate for more. I said, "We'll see how it goes." before committing to a set amount. Things were in my favor that day as the trail ended right around two and a quarter mile distance, making us turn around to finish back where we started for a total of four and a half miles. 

The conversation was much needed, and I was happy to see "J", but the run was the hardest run I had in a while. My toes went numb (I probably need new shoes), my legs felt heavy, my body felt weak (I didn't know how to eat throughout the day as I usually run fasted upon waking), and I didn't take advantage of the porta potty when I had the chance, leading to an emergency pit stop (that's a subject for another time). I was so happy to see the parking lot, knowing it would soon be over. "J" could see the struggle and, as usual, was there to hear the complaints. I wasn't unhappy with the run, necessarily, I was unhappy with how it felt but it was over and I was still standing. "J" said, "See, you can do hard things!" 

That thought resonated with me on the way home. I felt silly for the complaining and for even showing what I consider to be weakness in the moment. So many people I know right now are facing literal hardships and I am complaining about this one run which was less than an hour out of my week. The fact is, though, that things that are hard for you are hard for you. You hear that "there is someone that always has it worse" and that you should "count your blessings." Those two things are absolutely true but that doesn't take away from your own struggle. Guess what? God cares about every struggle. Philippians 4:6 (CSB) says, "Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." This verse tells we don't have to worry, but that in "everything" we can present our requests to God. Everything and anything that is bothering you, you are able to bring it to God for Him to help you bear. We aren't given limits on what we can bring to God. In fact, Matthew 10:30 tells us that God has counted the hair on our head. Surely whatever we are going through that seems unbearable in the moment is important to Him. We can recognize that we have a lot of things to be thankful for but, in that particular moment, we can admit that this thing is too hard for us. As we give it over to God, we lift it from ourselves and we find freedom. Perhaps we are even more confident in the future because we know we don't have to face hard things alone. It is only because of God that I am able to do these hard things. Without Him, I am pretty much a weak pile of skin and bones. May I give Him the recognition He deserves. May You see less of me and more of Him!