Work in Progress

-


This week, my husband and I registered for a local 5K that will take place in May. The race is a fundraising event for an organization that I am passionate about and yet I kept putting off the registration. The thought of the 5K actually scared me a bit which is crazy because there is no doubt I can do that distance. Instead, I asked my husband if he wanted to do the 1-mile walk. He said with a smirk "No, we can handle the 5k!" When I was telling my friend "J" about this interaction, she said "What?! Why would you consider doing the 1-mile walk?" I told her that I'm so afraid of coming in last at a race. I'm so afraid of people looking at me and saying either in disgust or sympathy, "Oh, look at that fat, slow girl."  "J" shook her head and said, "I don't even know what to say to you."

We have been running partners for many years. The years turned into countless miles of conversation which has led to the growth of a deep friendship. "J" not only is a faster runner than me, but she can also run much farther. She is someone I look up to, not only as a runner, but as a human being in general. She has seen me at my worst and yet is always encouraging and uplifting. For her to hear me say this about myself was disappointing. I know I've written about it before, but I struggle with my self-image and have ever since I can remember. Early on, this negative self-view was admittedly passed down from my mom, which was probably passed down from her mom.  Comments throughout the years have helped foster this negativity. I was always the "chubby" one, called "Ox" by an ex-friend and "Shamu" as I was out on a walk. I tried really hard to hide it from my children as they were growing up, but as they've gotten older, they've heard the derogatory comments I make about myself. In reality, the older they've gotten, the more I should have hidden these feelings or, actually, should have healed from them.

I have been chasing approval, not from others, but from myself, trying to reach a finish line of self-acceptance. I know I should see myself as God sees me, with His approval being more than enough. In 1 Samuel 16:7 (CSB), the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or his stature because I have rejected him. Humans do not see what the Lord sees, for humans see what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart." I've often heard Corinthians 6:19-20 (CSB) used as proof that we should get fit and take care of our body. It says, "Don't you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body." While I do believe we should do our best to take care of our body, glorifying God with our body is referring to more than our outward appearance. We should give our whole selves over to God. That means restraining from activities that aren't good for us. That means having the boldness to share the goodness of God's word with people we come in contact with. It also means seeing ourselves as redeemed as God sees us, reflecting His image. It means not holding back because of what we think of ourselves or what we imagine others think of us. It means giving it our all and giving God the glory in every circumstance, even if it is a last place finish. 

In complete honesty, I don't know if I will ever master this truth on this side of heaven. I will, however, do my best to think about these verses and try to change my thought patterns. I am a work in progress.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Beginning of the End?

-
Image
 In early 2023, I began having some new aches and pains which, being in my late 40's, was not necessarily unusual. I was a runner with a three day a week, 3-to-6-mile routine established, and I had been dealing with Plantar Fasciitis for about nine months at this time, but the pain was starting to change and seemed to be moving further up my left leg. I talked to my family doctor about it, and he referred me to a physical therapist. I started there in May 2023, with visits up to three days a week lasting an hour to an hour and a half each and each session having a co-pay. The time commitment and money started to add up. After a month of PT sessions, nothing had really changed, and we determined that I should probably see an Orthopedic Doctor. I was able to get a visit within a few weeks.  My first visit with the Orthopedic office was on June 26, 2023. X-rays were taken that day in the office. The results showed some arthritis but nothing else significant. At first it was sugge...
Read more

Sacrifice

-
Image
My husband and I had the humbling opportunity to help place wreaths at Fort Indiantown Gap National Cemetery yesterday as part of the Wreaths Across America volunteer event that places wreaths on veteran gravesites across the United States every December. This event was started in 1992 by Morrill Worcester who also owned Worcester Wreath Company. They had a surplus that year and he had the idea of placing wreaths at Arlington National Cemetery. You can read the full history at www.wreathsacrossamerica.org . This was our third year helping with the event, after my (step)daddy was buried there in December 2021. I remember driving through after his ceremony and thinking how beautiful the wreaths looked, uniformly placed throughout the grounds.  The day opens with an hour-long ceremony in which each branch of the military is honored, Gold Star families are recognized, several short speeches are given, we sing the National Anthem, ending with taps and a three-volley salute. As an Americ...
Read more

Resilient

-
Image
  I don't always pick a word of the year, but I have off and on over the past few years. Sometimes I don't give them much thought and sometimes I don't even remember what word I've picked by the end of the year. For 2026, my word of the year is "resilient." " resilient adjective : characterized or marked by resilience: such as     a. : capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture     b : tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change           as defined by Merriam-Webster With the way the year started out, I think I will remember this one. I went out for a solo run on Monday. I was running on a narrow road with cars parked on either side and since it was dark, I thought it would be a good idea to get up on the sidewalk in case a car came. I do run with my Noxgear lights, but sometimes it's still hard for oncoming cars to see me hidden behind the parked cars.   As I stepped up on the ...
Read more